adventure time

Matt's at the table eating an orange when police sirens wail in the distance. Jacob's on the run from robbing a bank, and Matt just remembered that the house he was in wasn't his house, so he's got to move, but he left the keys to the car outside. So he runs out into the street with his orange and waves his arms until Jacob rounds the block, and jumps in the car when Jacob stops.
Jacob asks, “Do you have it?”
“Yes,” Matt replies, with an enormous smile, and shows his partner the orange.
They hi-five and then stop at a red light with the 24 billion dollars that Jacob stole. Matt jumps out of the car and runs into the 7eleven, punches the guy behind the counter when Matt distracts him with a question about bubblegum, and steals two smoothies. He then gets back in the car just as the light turns green, and hands Jacob a smoothie.
“I'm too cool for smoothies,” Matt states, as he throws out his smoothie.
“You are missing out on a good Kiwi smoothie,” Jacob coolly returns.
They then pull up to a motel, ask for a room under the names James Van Heckle and Toby. They consequently stay there for three days, eating pizza and such foods. They leave once the three days are up, and take an Audi that they "borrowed". Matt drives the Audi through town, until a police officer stops them (they didn’t want to seem suspicious). He asks the criminals if they’re those two guys, and they say (in unison), “No we're those three.” The policeman then says, “Move along,” because the criminals were not the droids he's looking for. As the thieves drive away, Jacob sticks out his hand and yells, “LIVE LONG AND PROSPER!!!”
And the policeman did. He bought a house in Spain with his Laosian wife, but they never learned German. Instead, they learned Croatian.
The two meet up with Daniel, where he and his wife Jackie keep them safe, until they build a space ship to fly to the moon with Frank Sinatra and the rest of the Rat Pack, so it was a rat race to space, sort of. Upon reaching the moon, they build a fortress so the law would never find them. They fought the law, but the law never won, actually. They then establish new order, and a new country. It was christened New Republic of the Moon. It was a democracy, with awesomeness.
They also made experiments on rocks, because they were the most responsive. They found the cure to cancer that way, so all of the people were well. They also found a moon creature they dubbed the space camel. It was cool, so they tamed some, and called one Theodore. The camels’ milk also had special abilities when drunken, the former thieves soon found out. The milk can make you fly. But it was kind of stupid, since they were on the moon, so they hadn’t found a use for it yet. However, they may sell it to Earth. Or the Martians. They're nice people. Er, aliens. Whoever. It’s great to have gold.
The two bandits became kings of New Republic. And they wrote a book of all their discoveries, it was called The Fantastic Journeys of the Southern Gentleman, and it was a bestseller on the New Republic Times booklist. It was then made into a film by the guy who directed Lord of the Rings. However, it got terrible reviews. But who reads, anyways?
They do, the kings who ruled the fist on many men and that had a heart of gold. But only they, because they have an iron fist, each. They cost $18.99 at Wal-Mart on Black Friday, and there was only two. They were lucky. Many wanted them. The kings fought. Through hundreds and thousands of great warlords and gods. But they all felt the sting and wrath of the kings’ twisted metal. As good as they were, none were good enough to stand against the kings and live. The kings of New Republic took the mythic items with pride and glory, and walked out of the store, victorious. They were so great that they took on new names. King Jacob became Thorax, god of Lightning and Gumby. King Matt became god of Fire and Oranges. With their Irónica Fists, Matt’s enormous sword and Jacob’s malignant hammer, they proclaimed at the top of our voices: “We have slain the wicked and injustice. We now retire to the skies.” Requiescat in Pace